Like a Room Without a Roof

Finding happiness is, for some people, an endless journey. You could spend a lifetime moving in and out of jobs or relationships or towns searching for the perfect partner or perfect place that will certainly have the power to “make you happy”.

This quest is typically characterized by an initial period of blinding bliss, followed by a period of bewildered uncertainty and eventually you agonize internally wondering where it all went wrong. As you pick yourself up and, metaphorically or actually, pack your bags, you might rationalize that you just made a mistake this time but the real key to happiness is just around the corner.

Unfortunately, some people like this never come to understand that there is no corner around which lasting peace of mind is magically lurking. Everyone has heard the phrase that you can’t run away from what’s inside. It’s a tired metaphor yet one that always rings true. Your emotions are an imperfect circle that feeds a glowing ember of hope. We so desperately want that ember to spark to flame that we sometimes overlook the pieces of our lives that are always right in front of us. Always glowing. Always there waiting for us to remember them.

Happiness, true happiness, is always there. In the space between the spaces of our lives. Maybe overlooked. Surely taken for granted.

I’m sure we all could list a few things off the tops of our heads that have the power to ease our stress, unwind our fears and (dare I say) opens our souls to happiness. Whatever memories, thoughts, people or physical places that bring comfort. Maybe that’s where happiness lies, not around the corner.

I have made a list of just a few of mine. Most of these bring me daily comfort or see me return to them after trouble appears. In no particular order, these cherished things are part of my happy:

⁃ Being tucked into bed under warm blankets on a late autumn or a winter’s night. With either the sound of a strong cold breeze whipping the trees or the absolute silence of a midnight snowfall. My feet nice and toasty and the blankets pulled up high.

⁃ The first step onto the beach. The first time my bare foot touches the cool sand. I lived at the beach for 16 years and as much as I pontificate about my love for Autumn, hockey and fresh snow, I do secretly love all things summer beach related.

⁃ Visiting New England in the fall. Scarlet and golden kissed trees, fat pumpkins on a Cape Cod house porch, the smell of cinnamon and a fire pit in the distance. Taking a walk in the brisk morning air, the crunch of frosted leaves underfoot.

⁃ Magic hour. The twenty minutes or so before the sun sets over the horizon. Everything is bathed in a soft, golden light. The trees watch their shadows stretch away from the falling sun.

⁃ Making a great cup of coffee for someone. For me, rising early and making a warm cup for my loved one in their favorite mug is a feeling I can’t quite describe.

⁃ Feeling the blade of my skate dig into the ice when you first step out onto the rink (lots of “first steps” make me happy it seems!?!)

⁃ The innocent yet clumsy love displayed by a dog who doesn’t quite get the fact that he is a dog. No personal space and a wet nose in my face. Love it!

⁃ Discovering an odd, off the beaten path antique market or book shops. What mysteries! What shadowy backstory does each and every item hide? And the shop owners are always fascinating to talk to.

⁃ My daughter’s laugh. When she was very young her belly laugh was honest, loud and true. As she grows her laugh still is my favorite sound I have ever heard. Her laugh, like her, is full of grace, happiness and beauty.

⁃ Baseball. Please read a former blog of mine: https://agentargyle.wordpress.com/2020/02/23/its-hard-not-to-be-romantic-about-baseball/

⁃ Discovering a new artsy town rich with history and personality. Knowing that my partner in crime and I are about to back out of the driveway and embark on a new adventure. Diving into the local flavors and appreciating the nuances that each town has to offer.

⁃ Feeling someone’s heartbeat against my chest as we hold each other tight and face whatever life throws our way. Through all misunderstandings and every mistake, knowing that that heartbeat will always be there for me.

⁃ Big, loud, dumb movies. Marvel, Star Wars or anything in the ballpark. A dark theatre on a hot summer day. Waiting and eager to escape the world for a few hours. Turn off my brain and dream.

Take a few moments and think of the small things. Think of the happiness you helped give to someone else. Remember. As our world teeters on the brink of insanity and cruelty I believe it will be these tiny yet powerful memories that will lead us back to empathy and kindness. And there we will all find happiness.

Still Not Too Old For This…

Four years ago, I wrote a blog right here in this space about being 40-something and playing in a band. Actually, it was about having two lifelong friends (and former first band mates) still in my life. We still get …

12:41am

(A free style poem by me. Brought to you by the letter “insomnia “) I have been to many places but this is the only one I’ve never seen Morning is the best time to go home Favorite pictures of …

I’m getting too old for this sh..

So, I find myself in a hilarious situation. Bear with me as I ramble…

A long, long time ago I was a working musician. By working I mean I did manage to work in bands that made money. Not real money, mind you. But when you are twenty something, a hundred bucks cash in your wallet at the end of a weekend is an amazing intoxicating head trip.

My bands were too loud and played too fast to too few people. Too bad. I loved it.

I am a drummer and when I was younger, I loved beating the hell out of my kit. Rebelling against all oppression that I neither felt nor had in my life. But alternative music bands are supposed to be “hurting, artistic and smarter than everyone”. Right? I played along anyway.

My bands through my 30s were mostly cover bands because at the time no one wanted to hear your original songs. And most importantly, no pub owner was gonna pay you to play songs that no one has ever heard. Made sense to me, business-wise. And I didn’t really care.

I had been in original bands where the deafening silence following the last note of one of my masterpieces was a real kick in the metaphorical nuts. I like to say those gigs were humbling and character building. You might say that gigs like that are torturous and soul swallowers. Potato \ Potato…

My first band is still, by far, my favorite. I was in high school and decided to form a band. My best friend Eric and I recruited a guitar player, bass player and a keyboard virtuoso. We became a solid little unit through our college years. Writing songs, winning band competitions and the like… One day, as all bands do, we decided we were done. Our five year mission had lasted seven and that was that.

I moved to Florida, got a real job, got married and had a kid. Eric worked his way through daytime television and recently won a daytime Emmy for best supporting actor. The rest of the troop stayed in the area, got real jobs and got married. Life as we know it.

I kept in touch with three of the four former band mates. For the last ten years three of us would get together and quickly write songs and record them in the basement. For strictly our own amusement. And some of the recordings are hilarious.

Then, last year, something odd happened. My former band mates / current constant friends Jim and Ron would write some songs with me that I actually really like. Really really like. We decided to invest in proper recording equipment and casually produce and record these new songs. And they sound pretty darn good IMHO.

At my current big boy job, my friend / coworker Paul has offered to sing on the new songs. He’s an overgrown goofball of a man with an amazing voice built for soul music. He fits in perfectly with our Foo Fighters / Stone Temple Pilots sound. Ok, not really but I’m afraid Eric has outgrown us a tad. He does fit in with us every other way. Forty something, balding, spare tire sporting goof balls who can still kinda play their instruments.

We have decided to record and post music online for public consumption. IF we can make a few bucks while having a good time with our hobby. Why not?!?

We know we are not going to be famous. We know we are not going to play out or tour. We know the chicks won’t be falling all over us (?). We know we are not kids rebelling against anything or anyone.

We are adults with a hobby. We are mature. We are dignified. We are family men with careers. We are who we are. The boyhood dreams in fantasy rock and roll world have long since dissipated. We are men.

Now if you will excuse me, I need rejoin an email argument over band names and photo sessions…

Until the next time, keep the dream (whatever it may be) alive.

Bloog!